|None of this sort of going-on for Marjorie|
This dramatic protocol swerve came hot on the heels of two other breaks with royal tradition:
- the news that Prince Andrew was going to take a job in McDonald's, having always hankered for a role where he can earn Actual Stars (he hasn't yet, but we've everything crossed that he gets his "top patty-flipper" award later this month)
- Kate Middleton saying to a Daily Mail reporter, "It's fine, you can criticise my nude-shoe-wearing preference, I know you're only doing it to make up for having a really small penis".
When interviewed, Miss Lighthouse, 82, said, "I didn't realise I'd entered the ballot. I thought I was sending back a coupon to get 5p off mutton. I was surprised to win and there's been some jealousy in the village, especially as I haven't gone all out to crochet doilies in the shape of Prince Charles's ears to welcome the Queen into my home, like Elsie Mucklethwaite has. But, really, the Queen's an old lady, I'm an old lady. I'm sure we'll have a lot in common. I've asked Elsie if she'll lend me the ears in return for a prime spot on my fence to watch the Queen's visit, but she hasn't replied to my text yet."
We'll bring you more as we get it. Whether you like it or not.